Looking for a Christmas present for a pal or loved one who’s interested in the impact of social media on Ireland? Might I suggest my bestselling and Irish Book Awards-nominated non-fiction book Social Capital? Order it from your favourite online store - or pick it up in your local bookshop.
One thing I’ve discovered from writing this newsletter for almost a year (!) is that about half the time I’ll sit down to write about one thing, and then scrap it and end up writing about something entirely different.
Usually it’s because I’ve been writing about what I think I ‘should’ be writing about, when there’s something else that’s niggling away at me. This was supposed to be a newsletter about my cultural highlights of the year, but after writing half of it I found that the page kept crashing every time I tried to edit it.
While annoying, it nudged me towards writing about what’s been on my mind a lot lately: the power of making big changes. I’ve been working on a commission about how to live a more meaningful life in 2024, inspired by this excellent book by Cassie Holmes, Happier Hour: How to Beat Distraction, Expand Your Time, and Focus on What Matters Most, which got me thinking even further about what I want out of the year ahead. (I spoke to Holmes and two Irish entrepreneurs for the article, which will be in the Sunday Times ‘Home’ supplement in the new year).
In years past, I chafed against the idea of ‘new year resolutions’, feeling like it forced me to get fixated on things I’d only fail at (I’ll never be one of those ‘5-9am’ TikTok gals, sorry like). But this year I’ve been goal-setting, something previous me found tricky and unsatisfying. (‘What is a goal anyway?’ I would ask myself.)
But now I’ve been making lists of things I want to do, and feeling like they’re actually possible. Who is this new me?!
I suspect this has a lot to do with the past year’s changes, in particular becoming a freelancer (which itself was partly driven by two family bereavements). So here are some things I’ve learned from making a scary career change that might be of benefit to you too.
Even scaredy cats can make big leaps
The big change for me was leaving my job of 12 years, where I was in management and worked with lovely people who were not just friends, but felt like family. I absolutely agonised over the decision - thanks to those family members and friends who supported me! - and I put a huge amount of thought into it.
It literally felt like an impossible thing to do, and yet what I proved to myself was that it was possible - and it was possible to do it my own way. It was thanks to building up those relationships and having a great team around me that I was able to approach handing in my notice in a positive and open way.
It was actually such a great experience - contrary to what I’d been dreading - and set the tone for my eventual departure. I thought about what would work for me and the company, had a lovely chat with my boss (and pal) Sinéad when I handed in my notice, worked a long notice so they had time to hire a replacement, and when I left they gave me a heartfelt send-off that made me cry.
I would never have predicted that leaving my longtime job would be one of the highlights of my year. But because everyone knew it was the right time, it felt like a celebration of all we’d achieved and built together (I was one of the few remaining employees who’d been at the company since its first year) rather than an ending.
You can underestimate your experience/knowledge
My big fear in leaving The Journal and going solo was that I would have no work. I had forgotten that I had over 15 years’ experience in journalism, had been building up freelance work since I was in college, had good contacts, and was about to publish a book… so when I announced I was going freelancing, editors immediately began contacting me.
This was a huge relief, but also showed that I hadn’t taken stock of my own experience properly, and had underestimated myself entirely. I think part of that is being in a job a long time, and forgetting that I had been learning a ton.
Working in a start-up as it grew taught me an incredible amount about journalism, management, podcasting and editing, but it wasn’t until I stepped away from it that I could actually see that.
One big change has knock-on effects
I’m the eldest daughter of four and for better or worse am exactly like the stereotypes around eldest kids - people-pleasing and being responsible are very comfortable states for me. This means that totally normal things like handing in my notice can be things which I feel really bad about doing. Letting someone down = my worst fear.
The reality, of course, is that you’re allowed to make big changes for yourself, and usually people will be able to deal with it. Companies can more than survive without you - and your replacement might even do a better job! Change forces people to reassess things, and can lead to freshness for both sides.
By changing my job, I was changing how I saw myself. I was now someone who had done something that terrified them, and I survived. And I could also see that the ‘terrifying’ thing was actually a completely normal thing.
So what else would I be able to push myself to do that had previously scared me?
Saying ‘no’ can get easier
We’ve already established that I hate putting people out and letting people down. But by shifting my career and putting it into my own hands, I had to start getting very clear on what I did and didn’t want to do. All of a sudden, I was having to prioritise earning enough money to pay my mortgage and bills, while doing work that I genuinely wanted to do.
This meant that I’m now able to look at offers of work through a new lens - if I don’t think it will work for me, I nicely turn it down or suggest someone else who might do it. If something feels like a great idea, whether because it will teach me a new skill, introduce me to a great interviewee, be financially beneficial, lead to new contacts, or it just excites me, I jump at that. I’m really clear about what works for me and what doesn’t, and I know my value as a freelancer very clearly.
I’m also aware that sometimes those ‘nos’ will have knock-on effects, or I might regret some. But once I’m clear about the reasoning, then I have to be OK with that sort of outcome.
If it’s not one thing, it’s another
A regular podcast listen of mine is 10 Per Cent Happier, where the tone is set by the presenter Dan Harris opening with the line “hello, suffering beings”. It’s a bit of an in-joke from him about the fact the podcast is about mindfulness, meditation, Buddhism and dharma, and that us humans always have some issue plaguing us.1 (To add: He’s talking here about the smaller stuff, as opposed to the greater suffering that the world is currently mired in, like the incomprehensible horrors in Gaza.)
One thing he shared in a recent episode is that a meditation teacher once said to him during a period of intense stress, “if it’s not one thing, it’s another”. At first, he was insulted - how rude! But then he realised that this is true. If it is not one thing - big or small - occupying our minds or stressing us out, it is another.
Changing a huge aspect of my career removed some worries from my mind, but replaced them with others. Now I have to worry about my finances and not having a regular paycheck; compare myself to other freelancers; pitch articles and hope they’ll get picked up; wonder about my career trajectory; work on my novel; make sure my work is visible and of high quality. And that’s only my career worries - I have a whole other life outside of my job which brings its own set of stresses. Delightful.
But accepting that it will always be one thing or another has been somewhat freeing. At least I don’t have to double-down on the stress by stressing about being stressed. I’m not flitting around the place in a constant state of joy - far from it - but I have a new perspective at least.
Annoyingly, the learning never stops
Lest the above make you think I have it all figured out, rest assured that I am still learning constantly, still a stresshead at the best of times, and still prone to bouts of existential drama.
But.
Making one huge change led to a whole new set of experiences and learnings that were necessary and exciting, and these will lead me on to the next set of them. My mum has a saying - ‘that was an AFOG - another f*cking opportunity for growth’. And taking the leap to freelancing was an AFOG for me, bringing with it uncertainty, anxiety and fear. But grow I have. I’ve interviewed dream interviewees, worked with truly excellent editors, moderated challenging and fun events, become more relaxed as an interviewer, and successfully applied for funding and programmes I never would have applied for before.
It also has shown me I can do things I want to do, regardless of my age or what others might think. Like get a tattoo. But that’s a story for another newsletter…
I’ve donated €100 - the equivalent of the past two subscriptions to this newsletter - to Medical Aid for Palestine. Thanks so much to all of you who have subscribed this year. It means a huge amount to have you read this and reach out when you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read.
Have a wonderful Christmas and see you in the New Year!
Those of us privileged to be living safe and healthy lives.
Love this piece Aoife. I can feel your excitement at taking control of your life and doing what works for you...you're inspiring. And I may just steal your mum's mantra...hope that's ok :)
I find this idea of turning down work that isn’t right for you so reassuring, Aoife - and you express it so well here. Having a clearer writing focus is my goal too in 2024!